I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
