i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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