oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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