I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
