Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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