i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
