So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
