I'm laying in your front yard are you home
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
