I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
