I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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