Duck Duck Cougar?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
