everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
