I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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