Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
