my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
