Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Your cock deserves a montage
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
