Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
