I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
