its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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