the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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