2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
