If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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