Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
