From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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