how can u be prego again
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
