I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
time to smoke my breakfast
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
