Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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