I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
