My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
