come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
