you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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