it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Michael Bay diarrhea
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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