You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
