you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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