I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
