fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
