I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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