I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
