I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
a search helicopter?!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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