I just threw up on my dentist
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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