I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
