just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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