dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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