In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
