At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
