Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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