We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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