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i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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