yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
