i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Farmville is her only friend.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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