he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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