god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
