and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
