he thought i was a dude.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
