Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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