It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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