My room smells like vodka and shame
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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