I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
