How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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