Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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