So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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