Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
