She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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