Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
