She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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