So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
