I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
