he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
