if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
