If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
