Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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