So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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