Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
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He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
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what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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