my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
