why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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