shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
