i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
